Fresh Wes

It happened again. It always happens. Gmail inbox says “Natalya has added you as a friend on MySpace”.

Keep it cool Wes. No big deal, this happens all the time to you. You’re a baller. You know what? Don’t even click the link. You’re too busy, and you’ll get to her later. Maybe tomorrow. Whatever.

…………………

click click click.

…………………

Damn it she wasn’t real. No I don’t want to see your fucking webcam. How did you find me?

Don’t lie MySpacers, you know this has happened to you before. It has to have. I’m not even that popular on MySpace and this happens to me constantly.

All I have going for me is the sliver of hope that I may have actually met this person in real life. Here’s the thought process:

1. Where was I recently?
2. Was I drunk?
3. Did I attempt to converse with any species of human?
4. Did I actually give them my real name, or even try to grunt syllables which would resemble my name?
5. Are they the police?

Usually this works out pretty successfully.

But it’s worse if you’re a computer geek too, where interactions with hot women usually are made of pixels and ascii characters.

You know full well that you don’t know anybody named Natasha or KeLli <3, but you continue to move your pale Cheetos-crusted finger on the mouse, hopelessly clicking away. You think – “hey, maybe somebody read my blog? Maybe they thought your Warcraft character was hot and want to meet up?

DOUBTFUL. It’s not that easy, and it never will be. But still, we all fall for it. This isn’t e-Harmony, or my proposed Gangster version, G-Harmony. This is MySpace, the web’s version of the house they use to film “To Catch A Predator”.

Stick to Facebook, where stalking is okay if you call it “networking“.